Step-by-Step: Making Aliyah to

Documenting the very personal process of making Aliyah (immigration to Israel) by one very atypical American-Israeli girl. Aliyah on 17, August, 2005. Roadmap: What do you mean there's no roadmap?! Is there an atlas? A geopolitical blueprint? A globe? Hang on, we're in for a bumpy ride! Oy!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oleh grace period up... time for army service

The day I’ve been dreading has arrived: I got the call from the IDF. They said to report for basic training at 6 a.m. tomorrow.
Yikes! What to pack? Blankets for sure. And combs and brushes. Hair dryer? Check. Heh. Mischa loves when I brush him, I hope he can do it himself or at least get another cat to help him.
But I’m totally not prepared for the buzz cut. Had to run to the store and pick up a feline buzzer with a ¼ inch comb. Yippie. Took me 2 hours to catch a bus, ask the driver for directions from the stop to the petronics store (the only one in Israel!) got lost, walked in circles for 30 minutes, found the right bus and made it to the store to see their gates down. Sux.
Worked my way back home and knocked on my neighbor’s door. Luckily, his cat had finished his call up last year and brought back his shaver. (Part of me thinks my neighbor was just humoring me about the cat serving in the army thing and that the buzzer was his. Hmmm.)
I called Mischa and he came right over from the crossword puzzle he was doing and jumped in my lap. I let him sniff the buzzer and he gave a confusing “Meow.” Yep. This will be easy.
I flipped the buzzer on and brought it to Mischa’s side and he freaked. He screeched and jumped across the couch, onto the windowsill knocking some plants over and then ran straight towards the door to get away. The ruckus scared Matun and Buffy who both ran from their sewing circle in different directions yowling uncontrollably. And then I heard it. THUMP!
Mischa had hit the door headfirst trying to escape. Apparently I left the buzzer on and it had fallen on the floor but stayed on. It was creeping across the room by itself right towards Mischa who continuously rammed his head into the door in an attempt to get out. I started chasing the buzzer but Matun lunged at it and kicked it under the bookcase. Mischa continued to ram his head into the door. I couldn’t grab him so to prevent a concussion I opened the door and he ran into the hall screaming. Pandy looked up from her newspaper, took her pipe out of her mouth and (undisturbed until this point) said, “You’d better get that cat back in here before someone calls the authorities.”
Terrified at the initial thought and forgetting that it would take six months for a third-rate Israeli bureaucracy to even get my address right, I threw Mischa’s army blanket over him and dragged him back inside slamming the door behind me.
Heh. Aliyah’s gonna be harder than I thought.


At 5/16/2006 8:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me start by saying that I've really enjoyed your blog on moving to Israel. Thank you for all the great tips. So what on earth is this other (March 2006) blog? I assume it's just a joke, but you now say you're Muslim? Are you really? Did I miss something? And have you really adopted 34 more cats?!!

At 5/16/2006 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops! Just realized this was one of the Purim Parodies! Forget the last comments/questions.


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